wanna go halves on a baby?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
