Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
