in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
