im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
