Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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