Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
