Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
