quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
