Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
