Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Panties = found
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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