It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
