i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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