not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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