Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
