1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
