i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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