A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
where does the pee come out of this thing
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
