My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
being pregnant is like rehab
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
