I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
