is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
