the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
