Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
