Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize