Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
