May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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