"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize