Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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