I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
