I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
