so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I want is dick and wine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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