Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
