Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
