I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
