Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
