Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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