Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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