So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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