Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
