low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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