Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
