Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize