why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
