When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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