I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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