Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
