wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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