I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
