I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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