You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
