I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He better not be in your backpack
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
