the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
