remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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