so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
