It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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