Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
