Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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