I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
