I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
