I'm jealous of your bromance
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
