And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
