i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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