You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
