Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize