I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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