I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize