Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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