I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
