My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
