i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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